Monday, March 9, 2009

Player: Fall Back Plan

"Know the enemy and know yourself; in a hundred battles you will never be in peril."

-Sun Tzu

With this quote in my mind, I read two newspapers mainly. I hear what my friends are doing on Bloomberg, and thus know myself. I also glance at the New York Times occasionally to know the assholes. I like to keep a finger on the assholes...uh, I mean, enemy. Besides, it's always an ego boost. I see the Times lament idiodically about certain firms giving hard earned bonuses out for top performers, I skip the story and go straight to the unemployed intellectuals in the comments section. Some exerpts (notice the time of day. Oh so this is what people do when others are making it rain!):

  • March 9th,20091:09 pm
    How can these people be rewarded. My Smith Barney broker lost me half of my portfolio and did not protect my downside. He better not be getting a bonus!!!!
    — Posted by Mark Green

  • March 9th,20091:30 pm
    Did Pandit, Rubin, Weill get one too…and if they did, WAS IT A BIG ONE????
    — Posted by popskoenig

  • March 9th,20092:17 pm
    Greed to perfection, what else can you say.
    — Posted by Ed

Thanks guys. As much as you fantasize about being interviewed by Keith on MSNBC (equal to the number of fantasies of subsequently rubbing him off), those people worked when you were twittering on articles and maybe deserve the most for contributing the most. And no wonder the Times is now renting out its building to produce cash flow.

Here is the article in full:

Granted I think it's a bad joke that we cant go to the Bahamas anymore and now need to accept cash (one buddy said he spent his shitty bonus in one night at a legit strip club) or stock for being the best among coworkers (I'm sure the WFC employees ask can I get their stock reward in GS shares? Well, then again, the Cali bankers prob have never heard of a legit bank since Drexel). Knowing the current strength of my enemy (I mean, because of them, John fuckin Edwards had a shot at being prez), I have considered alternative roads in life. Call me crazy, but there may be more to life then banking. I can't live too long under the government's thumb as a civil servant who will be scrutinized for pounding a bright eyed college girl in Jamaica (traveling with parents mean high school? Eh, its all good) on the company retreat.

So another alternative to a job as an International Playboy would be: Bar Owner. I've thought about this occupation with similar passion to banking. Just pipe dreams at this point but who knows, maybe someday. I would probably name my bar Black Out. "Hey man, where you heading to tonight?" "I'm going to go to Black Out." Location is crucial. Probably some place warm would be appropriate. Or near a college scene. Something that leaves me with prospects as SB 2K9. The one challenge I would have would be the competitive advantage of the bar? If quality, then I would need to outclass every other bar at a high overhead cost. In times like these, I'd lean towards price. If price, its gotta be a complete dive. But I could see open bar if you pay the cover. It's a fun mental exercise, thinking about ventures like that. I'm so used to recommending capital structure and various financial advice, it would be fun to show state college reject bar owners how to cash flow a bar four times its initial equity investment. And the bonus would be that the Bar Owner gets to hook up with the help aka hot bartender college students. Shit goes wrong or you get bored, hire another one. And how sweet a pick up line is that? 'Have a shot, its on the house.'

I dunno, like I said, interesting exercise, to own a bar. Then again, maybe I'd rather just blitzed in one.

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